walking on sunshine

Tonight's just one of those nights where I'm overwhelmed by sadness.

And I want sleep to take me in and keep me warm and safe until all these hurtful feelings go away but that just isn't a realistic option.

And I get so frustrated with myself.

Because life shouldn't be this hard. Not for me.

Not for someone who has lived such a good life.

I feel like a hypocrite for complaining.

I feel like I'm being ungrateful. That someone else deserves my spot. That someone else would value it more.

And I feel like a failure.

And I feel like a fake.

I feel like I'm disapointing God.

How dare I call myself Christian and a believer of Jesus when I know that His word tells me that I am not alone, that I am strong, that He loves me, but then I succumb to all this self-pitty and self-doubt?

I'm just so tired.

I don't know where I lost myself. I don't know when these emotions became so big that they took over who I was and desided to become a permanent part of me.

I don't want to learn to live with this sadness.

I want to overcome it, but I don't know how.

I Google'd, "i don't want to fail at life HELP ME".

I didn't click on any of the links.

I feel so stupid and weak and just sad.

I'm afraid to ask for help, but I want it so desprately.

I want someone to notice. I want someone to care.

Even if they're paid to ask these questions. Even if they're paid to listen to try and make sense of these thoughts and emotions and feelings.

sadsadsadkarenisjustsoverysad