wait for me

Today is the 13th day I try to write about a specific topic, but the words don't come out. Or they do, but I don't like the way they read. Or maybe I don't like the information I'm trying to share. This is so vague. I've also tried starting a journal, where the words would be safe and just for me. But what I want to express won't flow there either. These last 13 days have been filled with every sort of emotion there exists. I've been angry and happy and guilty and sad and frustrated and motivated and up and down and here and there. I think I'm going to learn a lot about myself this summer. I've kind of secluded myself from the outside world a bit, in an attempt to figure some stuff out. But that's not how I really want to spend the next two months, or any significantly large part of my life. I think I have the ability to be at such a good point in my life right now, that I need to make the most of it, if that makes sense. I hate my blogging voice. I keep on wondering if this is how I actually sound like in real life, and then reaching the conclusion that it must be really annoying to listen to me talk. It's midnight and I'm so tired already. I don't think I'd be any more coherent with or without sleep, but I've learned that sleep is my friend. My last all nighter wasn't school related, and as beautiful as that is, so is waking up so early in the morning that nothing good is on TV yet so I just lay in bed rereading my favorite books.

and all i loved i loved alone

"One day I will find the right words, and they will be simple."
- Jack Kerouac