Friday, March 30, 2012

Black and Yellow.

Today my brother found out he got accepted into UGA.

Something I don't go around telling people too often is that that was my dream school, and I didn't get in.

Other people dream of going Ivy, or getting out of their home state and away from their parents, but ever since I can remember fully understanding the concept of college, I wanted to go to the University of Georgia.

I applied to 7 different schools, and out of those 7, UGA was the only one who didn't accept me.

I remember I was prom dress shopping with my friends, Jeanette and Cassidy. We were in a parking lot sitting in Jean's car when I checked my application status online. I saw the words, "We are sorry..." and didn't keep reading. I new what the rest said. I took a deep breath and we walked in the store and then I lost it. I burst out in tears in the middle of all these pretty dresses and my two best friends in high school hugged me until I got myself together. I got home and cried to my dad. I called my mom because she was in Guatemala and I cried some more to her, too.

None of it made any sense. I exceeded every single one of their requirements. My GPA was above what they were asking. I was in so many extra curriculars. So much of what I did in high school was for them and they didn't want me. It wasn't even that I wasn't good enough - they just flat out rejected me. I didn't even make the damn wait list.

That Fall I started my freshmen year at Oglethorpe University which had been my second choice. The whole summer my best friend Maria and I had talked about how we were both going to go to our respective colleges for a year and then transfer to UGA. We even took a trip to Athens to look at apartments and had one picked out.

Almost two years later and I'm still at OU. The campus, the professors, the people, my sorority - it all owns me.

The way I've looked at all of this is that I was plainly and simply meant for Oglethorpe. If I had gotten into UGA, there isn't a doubt in my mind that that is where I would be. But I wasn't meant to live that life. I was meant to live the one I've been living. I was meant to be Catherine's roommate. I was meant to be Becca's little. I was meant to know what a Petrel is and to live in motel styled dorms and to be a member of Sigma Sigma Sigma.

I wanted Bryan to go to Oglethorpe. I think he would be great there, but honesty, that kid is going to be great anywhere. I know he could do so much better than UGA because he's talented and smart enough to get into almost any school you can think of, but what he wants is Georgia, and that's probably where he was meant to be.

UGA will be his Oglethorpe.

My smile rivaled his own when he shared the news with us today.



OGLEMEMES:
YOU'RE WELCOME

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Glitter In The Air.

I wish I could transcribe every single word that comes out of the mouth of my Professor for my Family and Marriage class.

That woman is brilliance captured in person.

She says the most interesting things and I'm barely done understanding her first point when she's already saying something 10 times better.

She also terrifies the crud out of me.

I feel like the day she calls on me in class to speak up, I'll do something totally embarrassing like forget how to talk.

I'm really glad these night classes are keeping me on my toes.

I hate that I'm in class from 6 - 10:40 PM, but at least they're interesting courses.

And speaking of toes, my second night class Professor just walked by me and said, "Cute shoes."

I'm wearing my ripped and well worn silver sparkly Toms.

Does that mean she's going to give me an A?

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

i want to be forever young

Today is all about making big life decisions. Or rather, thinking about making big life decisions.

I am declared as a business major. My advisor is an art professor. Don't ask me how that happened - it just did.

I've had two meetings with him before in which I thought we both walked off frustrated. He tells me I should seek a new advisor. I don't know who in the business department to pick, because the only one I want won't take any more advisees. He can't really help me. I get annoyed and he gets annoyed and so on and so forth.

Today was different, though. What's that saying? We turned a new leaf? Yeah, I think that's it. Maybe we were both just in better moods. I don't know.

But in today's meeting he straight up told me numbers are obviously not my thing.

OBVIOUSLY.

The business major has a lot of mathematically inclined courses. I hate math. I hate math so much because I suck at math. Excuse my poor vocabulary, but it's true. Math + Me = No Bueno. No Bueno is Spanish for Not Good, by the way. He told me he doesn't see passion in my eyes when I speak about my business courses. That made me do a little giggle snort because it's true. I don't know why I'm a business major. I guess it's because up until this semester there wasn't anything else that I really wanted to do in my life.

He told me to look into the communications major. He said that, on top of my Spanish and non-profit minors, will open so many doors for me in the future.

I think I'll listen to his advise.

Registration for the Fall starts next week, so I need to make a decision soon. I'll talk to some communications professors and see what they think.

It's a little scary, though. The whole possibly changing my major two years into college thing. It kind of feels like I've wasted so much of my time and so much of my dad's money. But an even scarier thought is thinking that if I don't make this drastic change, I might be stuck doing something that I don't love for the rest of my life.

So what if I'm an undergrad for 5 years? Or 6...or 7. Chelsea already said she'd stay here with me. She said we could get an apartment so we wouldn't be creepy old ladies still living in the dorms. I added the creepy old ladies part for dramatic effect.

I've said before that change is scary. But sometimes change is good. And sometimes we need change.

So yeah, it'll all be okay.

It always is.

I always am.

And all that jazz.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Keep Calm and Call Mom.

Today has just been one of those days.

Very blah.

Nothing too spectacular.

My mood has been yucky.

All I want to do is curl up somewhere warm and sleep for forever.

Or go home and spend time with my family.


The highlights of my day -

Delaney singing a song to me and changing the lyrics to fit my name.

AND

Chelsea talking to her father on Skype. This conversation just happened:
Chelsea: Daddy, when are you going to become a doctor?
Her Daddy: I'm a patient.

Monday, March 26, 2012

Weekend Getaway.

Gyros. Sigma Bid Day CDs. Sushi. Mojitos. Tattoo parlors. Private Beaches. Double wides. Husky dog. Zombie cat. Lost sunglasses. Life stories. Coconut shrimp. Ice cream. Condos. Panama City. Mumford and Suns. Alabama. Cajun desserts. The bread from Pasta Grill. Scooter. You're in the wrong house, get out now! Sea side. Horrible ideas. Drunks fighting over football. Navy stories. Great ideas. Carnival rides. Road games. Mixed drinks. Walking on the beach at night. Color coded outdoor stores. Guitars. Driving without the GPS. Turtles. Mrs. Laura. Loud boys. Too much fun going on to worry about taking pictures. Planning our next trip. My life Twin.

These lovely things and so many more made up my weekend getaway.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Greater Things Are Yet To Come.

I know I already posted earlier today, but I wanted to write a small update on my post from Monday...

When my dad came home tonight he told us he wasn't going to take the job they offered him. He says his responsibilities to our family and to our church are way too important for him to trade for some extra money in the bank. He says you can't put a price on what he would be giving up if he had accepted it. He says he believes there is something even greater in store for him here, where he can enjoy the benefits of his labor with his loved ones - where he can be home where he belongs.

I love my father to the moon and back.

Almost There.

Today has been very productive in the sense that my room is almost completely clean. I like to think of it as usually being an organized mess, but one of my sisters and I are going to PCB this weekend and when we come back she is staying with me for a few days, so I thought I would put a little more effort into the "organized" part of the "mess."

These past couple of days have been very unproductive in the sense that I have so much homework due when classes resume and I haven't started any of it.

Sometimes things come up...and sometimes I'm just lazy. There's still time, so it's okay.

I was supposed to spend today and tomorrow with some sisters at Oglethorpe but not driving and not having a car cause me to be dependable on other people for transportation. I understand my parents have more important things to do than running me from here to there, so that's okay, too.

So instead I'll finish up my laundry. I'll make myself a nice grilled chicken salad for dinner. I'll pack my bags for the beach. I'll look for an online copy of the Hunger Games that I can reread tonight before the premiere tomorrow. And maybe I'll go ahead and stop putting off all of my assignments so that I can have complete and total fun in the sun this weekend.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Word to the Wise.

Today's quote reads:

"At the end of the day when it all comes down to it all we really want it to be close to somebody. So this thing where we all pretend to keep our distance is crap, so we pick and choose who we want to remain close to and once we've chosen these people, we tend to stay close by no matter what, no matter how much we hurt them. The people that are still with you at the end of the day, those are the ones worth keeping and sometimes close can be too close but sometimes the invasion of personal space can be exactly what you need."

Monday, March 19, 2012

Fam[ily] Ties.

My dad sat my brothers and I down for a talk tonight.

It was funny because we all initially thought we were in trouble - I could tell in their eyes that they were trying to remember if they'd done anything wrong, just like I was.

But alas - no one was in trouble, he just had something serious to discuss with us.

He's been offered a job. A great job. A great job that will have him going from one state to another, job site after job site, up until December.

This company is offering to make him an equal partner if he agrees.

They're going to give him a small job in Texas for two weeks, which he'll fly out for later this week, and if he likes it and he's ready, the position is his.

The company does a little bit of everything, but their biggest source of revenue is painting, which is where my dad comes in.

When I say this is a great job, I'm talking about him making well over 6 figures by the time Fall rolls around.

This is the type of money my dad used to make when I was a kid. Every week Bryan and I could walk into Toys R Us and pick anything we wanted. We would eat out for every meal on the weekends. We would take multiple vacations for no reason other than having the means to do so. I hardly had to repeat any of my outfits.

Recently we've had to learn to hold back on certain luxuries. We live very comfortably but there are times our parents just simply have to say no. Even though I was always taught to be grateful for what I have been given, the spoiled part of me hates things like the word budget.

That's the most obvious plus side to this whole situation - the money. But it might be the only plus side.

Everyone who really knows me at all knows how close I am to my family. And it's not only me to them, but it's all of us to each other. My dad not being here for that long is going to plainly and simply suck.

He says he wont do this without our support. If we don't think this is a good idea, he wants us to let him know how we feel.

I think this is an amazing opportunity. And I support him - I really do. I just know I'm not going to like it. And none of us will get used to it.

Nothing will be set in stone until after the Texas job. There's also a job here in Georgia that he would be able to do from this state obviously. But all of the other jobs are like 1 month in Louisiana and 2 months in Florida and another month in South Carolina and things like that all up until the end of the year when the company closes from December - Mid-March and then they start all over again.

Change is scary.

We'll see what happens.

I'll never ever stop believing that everything will always be okay.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Wave Your Flag.

Today has been such a lazy day. I haven't done any of my homework, but I'll get all of that out of the way in the next two to three days so I can enjoy the last half of my Spring Break.

What I have done is sit in my bed watching Remember Me. Say what you want about Robert Pattinson in Twilight. I've heard all the jokes, and I even agree with some of them. But Rob in Remember Me? Ugh. Such a good effing movie. It makes me bawl like a baby every single time. Today I restrained from screaming at my screen in an attempt to warn his character. I call that progress.

But after that I got on YouTube and started watching 9/11 videos. I've seen documentaries here and there but some of the videos that I watched today were so raw that it felt like I was actually witnessing the events in person, and like they were happening right now and not over a decade ago. I think the saddest one for me was a recording of a 9-1-1 phone call. The man's name was Kevin and for about 5 minutes he's on the line with the emergency operator just telling her he's on the 100th something floor in so and so's office. She tries to calm him down but he isn't having any of it. He starts screaming at her that she's able to say all of that because she's in an air conditioned building and she can see, where as he isn't and he can't. The recording is paired up with a video of the towers just after the planes hit. They're both smoking. Kevin keeps on saying how the situation up there is getting worse and worse. He says he's a young guy and he isn't ready to die. He says just minutes before he had called his wife and told her he was on his way home and how she must think he's okay. Then, as you hear Kevin shout, "Oh, God" you see the first tower collapse and the line goes dead.

I think everyone remembers where they were on that day. I was in the 4th grade. A couple of days a week all of the kids in the gifted program would meet up to do whatever it is we were supposed to be doing. I think we were reading Hatchet, or some other book that was supposed to be way beyond our years and get our brilliant young minds going. I think they said something over the intercom about everyone turning their TVs on. I remember the images, but I didn't really understand what I was seeing. I didn't know what a terrorist was. And why would someone do all of this on purpose? It all looked so scary. I also remember my teacher's eyes were brimming with unshed tears. That's when I knew this was really bad. My brother and I were some of the many children checked out of school early. When we got home it was all any channel was talking about. I remember hearing people screaming and crying on the news. I remember seeing people running away from the area surrounding the buildings, while police men and fire fighters ran towards them.

I get really angry when people tell me I'm not American. My parents are both Hispanic, and I love and cherish that part of my culture, but I was born here. I have more pride inside of me for this place than I ever will anywhere else. I don't mind it when my friends make stereotypical jokes, I actually think they're funny, and that it's okay because I know they're messing with me and that I can crack a joke at their expense right back. But when someone I don't even know or doesn't know me is seriously telling me I'm not American because I'm not white - like, STFU dude. Even my parents embrace the being American thing. They've lived here more than anywhere else. And although they love traveling back to Guatemala, this is their home now. There's a little American flag right outside by our front door.

I don't know why I wanted to write about, or where I thought I was going with this. Or even how to wrap up the post from here.

I'm in a sorority - that's pretty American. I'll leave y'all with one of my 100,00+ sisters, Carrie Underwood. My favorite part of the video is at 2:22-23ish, just saying.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

This has gotta be the good life.

This morning started off with me getting to school really early so I just took a nap in Jacob's car. It was great except for the part where I left my seatbelt on so my neck was a little sore for a while.

Then I went to my Macro-Economics class. I met with my professor afterwards and he's going to push our test back a week because I made a joke about him doing that. I didn't promise him anything in return, I swear!

I spent time with Mackenzie and Becca in the SGA office and was fanned by one of those cool fans without blades. I think they're called air multipliers. At least, that's what Becca called it. Sometimes I'm gullible so I can't be too sure.

Then I gave a persuasive speech in my Non-Profit Communications class. I think it went horribly. My voice was practically gone by the time I was done and I could tell how shaky it was, but my professor said she wanted to donate to all of our causes, so maybe I'm just being too hard on myself.

Today I also started my two new night classes. THEY WERE SO AWESOME!

The first one was a Family and Marriage class. My professor opened up with saying that if she did not offend us, she was not doing her job right. We talked about heteronormative families. These are families that fit society's norms, meaning the head of the household is a white, heterosexual, upper middle class male, and he has all the power. The woman stays home with the kids. Children are seen and not heard. We continued discussing how this concept is impossible for most people, yet as a society that's the goal and that is what we idolize and envy. We also talked about how wanting these things isn't necessarily wrong, we just shouldn't expect everyone to agree or conform. The class is not about family values, rather about valuing families. Ahh, it's so great!

My last class of the day is Business Communications. The professor is a mix of Oprah, and the soothing voice of a tape recorded audio book, and a grandmother. I'm a little worried because we took the MBTI Personality and Style test and everyone else in the class seemed to be an extrovert except for me. My results at the end read that my personality type is: "Idealistic, loyal to their values and to people who are important to them. Want an external life that is congruent with their values. Curious, quick to see possibilities, can be catalysts for implementing ideas. Seek too understand people and to help them fulfill their potential. Adaptable, flexible, and accepting unless a value is threatened." I thought that was pretty on point. One other thing I'm not a big fan of about the class is the fact that everyone there seemed to be around 40 years old. They were all very pleasant, but it is just such a different type of culture to be in a class where everyone has had a chance to sort of find out more about themselves and who they are, and I'm still stuck being a kid. Part of me wants to not like it because these elements put me outside of my comfort zone, but I feel like that may be exactly why I actually like it as much as I do.

After class Mackenzie and Shea took me to Steak and Shake because I hadn't eaten all day. It was 10:30 PM, so that was not okay. I'll get on a better eating schedule, I promise. I ate my avocado burger so fast I barely even breathed through it. It was delicious. I'm not a fan of burgers, but today I just happened to have a craving for one.

We also stopped by a pub down the street to say hello to one of our sisters who is in town. The place was super crowded and casual. And the bouncer let us in even though Mackenzie, Shea and I are not of age, because we promised we would be in and out and that we wouldn't consume any alcohol. Being honest pays off, you guys.

Now I'm sitting at a table with my sisters Chelsea and Mackenzie telling me how pretty I am. And how much they love me. And we're talking about name meanings. Mackenzie's first name and my name mean the same thing, purity. Chelsea's name means landing...like an airport. And we read a Wikipedia article on The Karen People. No lie, they exist. I have people. That's kind of a big deal.

Chelsea and I are staying up and watching Pocahontas. She's going to write a musical and I'm not allowed to steal it. We just pinky promised.

I'm officially on spring break. I'm going to Six Flags and the pool and having slumber parties and going to The Hunger Games midnight premiere and then to Panama City Beach with my life twin, Karen #3.

Life is too good to me.

For everyone I've mentioned in my post tonight...


Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Lobsters and Rice Cakes and Hopey Hope.

Today wasn't off to a very good start. I was going to run a lot of errands around campus, but my friend/ride to school is sick, so I haven't been able to make it up to my school yet. Hopefully I can get everything all done tomorrow in time to meet all of my deadlines. And hopefully my friend/ride feels better soon because being sick sucks!

In an attempt to better my mood and not stress out too much, I will share my favorite joke -

So, there was a lobster and a rice cake. The lobster and the rice cake were the best of friends. The rice cake was always super jealous of the lobster because the lobster was extremely good looking and always got all the girls. One day they went out to their local beach for some fun in the sun. Of course, the lobster was getting all of the attention while the rice cake got none. Really upset at the lobster, the rice cake was all like, "Hey man! Stop getting all the girls up in here or I'm going to be angry at you!" The lobster was just like, "Whatever dude." It comes at no surprise to anyone that the next girl that walks by, checks out the lobster. Now the rice cake was livid! He starts yelling at the lobster about how much of a horrible friend he is and what not. The lobster, fed up with the rice cake's ridiculousness, picks him up...and throws him in the ocean!

HAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OMG YOU GUYS. ISN'T THAT THE FUNNIEST THING EVER? JUST PICTURE IT! A LOBSTER THROWING A RICE CAKE IN THE OCEAN! COME ON! LAUGH WITH ME! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA! NO? OKAY, I'LL ADMIT NOT A LOT OF PEOPLE LAUGH AT MY JOKE, SO I'LL SHARE ONE MORE. THIS ONE'S A REALLY GOOD ONE. I PROMISE!

A young boy and girl are standing on a peer. They are madly in love and due to circumstances outside of their control they have to part for a time period of 10 years. The boy gives the girl a promise ring and aside from promising that they will always love each other, they also promise to reunite on that very spot when 10 years have gone by.

10 years later...

The young boy is now a man who is anxiously waiting on the peer to finally meet up with the love of his life again. The young girl has blossomed into a beautiful woman, and she too awaits on the peer to be reunited with her lover. It just so happens that one of them is on the wrong peer. It turns out that an identical peer was built on the other side of the beach. The woman, fed up after hours and hours of waiting, angrily takes off her promise ring and tosses it into the water before she runs off with a broken heart. On the other peer, the man is walking up and down while pondering why his childhood sweetheart would stand him up. He reaches the end of the peer, looks down into the water, and what does he see? The ring you say? No, silly...the rice cake!

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
YOU ARE TOTALLY LAUGHING RIGHT NOW! DON'T EVEN TRY TO CONTAIN YOUR LAUGHTER! HAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

P.S.
I'm sorry you cannot get back the time you spent reading my blog post today. I pray all will be forgiven in due time.

P.P.S.
I'm not really sorry. I'm effing hilarious and you know it.

P.P.P.S.
I'm talking to you, Hopey.

P.P.P.P.S.
Hopey is what I call my sister Hope.
She thinks my joke isn't really a joke.
She thinks it's dumb.
She is SO wrong.
Right?

Monday, March 12, 2012

We can do hard things.

Last semester I was having lunch with two of my sisters. Whilst discussing a topic one of them said, "Something that I've learned the hard way is that you have to stand up for what you believe is right even if it means standing alone." I'm not standing alone, but sometimes doing what you feel in your heart to be right is scary.

It's the week before spring break. Everyone is crazy stressed and needs it to be Friday already. I think this week is going to be a hard one. And that it'll suck a little. Or maybe a lot. I think each day I will allow myself to pull out multiple quotes from my quote box.

But by the time next weekend rolls around, I'll be on the beautiful beaches of Panama City with one of my best friends and that thought alone is enough to make everything this week worth while.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Lean On Me.

So I'm pretty sure everyone and their mother has seen the Kony 2012 video by now, am I right? I don't really know how I feel or what I think on the subject, so maybe just blogging about it will help me figure it out.

My initial reaction when I watched the video was to think how beautifully made it was, and what a good and honorable cause it was promoting. I cried, but is that really a surprise to anyone anymore? I watched it for the first time Tuesday night, and it had just over 1 million views. Tonight, only 4 nights later, the video has more than 67 million views.

Seriously, how incredible is that?

Everyone seemed to be on the Kony 2012 bandwagon and it made me really happy to see how quickly so many people were joining in to spread the word about it.

Of course, all these Negative Nancy's started popping up with things like, "What's watching a video and sharing a link going to do to help?" and "This is all a scam and y'all are idiots for falling for it." and blah-di blah blah.

HATAZ GUNNA HATE.

I will admit that I am a little skeptical about donating money to an organization whose financial reports are a bit shady, but that does not mean I'm against what they are promoting.

I think that what the organization says they are doing is beautiful. I think people are giving their money to a noble cause. And I like to believe that it will make a difference in the lives of the children they are trying to help.

I wish I knew more about the subject. I wish I would have heard about Kony before this video, that way when I Googled him and tried to research, not everything that popped up would be traced back to said video. I wish I could take a more educated stance on the situation.

Today I also realized that giving money isn't the only way to help charities. I mean, yeah, I knew that, but today I was reminded of it.

I went with two of my sisters to volunteer this morning at an organization called The Georgia Lions Lighthouse Foundation. They do a lot of things like provide hearing aids and low cost eye surgeries in Georgia, but their main thing is providing glasses to under privileged people all over the world. Along with about 25 other people we sorted, cleaned, wrapped and packaged 6,000 pairs of glasses in just 3 hours. It is amazing to think that the glasses that I was literally holding today will be half way across the world soon and on the face of someone who at this very moment is having trouble seeing. It is amazing to think that by just giving up 3 hours of my day, I will have made a difference in the lives of so many people.

So yeah, let's just all try to be positive pancakes and help others in whatever ways we can and all that good stuff.



Friday, March 9, 2012

Sing a Song.

I've discovered what's changed so drastically in the past two years and why I haven't been able to get out of this funk for so long.

I mean, I knew it all along, but I just never put two and two together until tonight.

Every time I talk about God I try to be cautious because I want people to respect what I have to say or how I feel over the matter, so I think I should give them that same respect in return. Sometimes it's hard, because my religion or faith or whatever it is you want to call it, has so gratefully influenced me and who I am. I know not everyone believes what I believe, but like most people - you think what you believe is right, and part of you wishes everyone agreed with you.

When I started college I had to step down as a member of the usher team at my church and I also stopped helping out as a coordinator for our retreats. I was no longer a youth group leader, either. I lived at my school my freshman year, and even though my home and my church were only a couple of minutes away, there was no way I could make it to all of my weekly meetings and still be heavily involved. Everyone was so understanding and supportive, though. My church has labeled me as a sort of role model for them. They'll say things like, "Look at Karen! She's in college and she's going to do so many great things and be such an important woman and we're all so proud of her already."

One of my sisters recently posted something on Facebook that someone else said. I don't remember his name or anything, but it went something along the lines of, "60% of students who enter college with a faith commitment leave it behind in their pursuit of a higher education."

And bingo was his name-o.

I definitely think an education is important. You have a much better opportunity to be successful with a good schooling to back you up. And I'm not saying I'm going to drop out and take my chances at being successful otherwise. No, no, no. Not at all.

Usually during midterms and finals all you'll hear me do is shout how all I've ever wanted in life is to be a housewife so college is really pointless - it's a joke, y'all.

I don't know what context that quote above was used in originally, but the way I related to it was that I've neglected church so much since I've started school. And I'm sure God wants me to get a degree and what not, but I've often put things that don't necessarily pertain to me getting my diploma before church and God.

I don't think God is punishing me or anything like that. I'm sure He's not like, "Karen didn't come to service today? Okay, let's make her all sad inside because she's somewhere else instead of here, and I'm going to get back at her for that." God is kind and God is love, and that's just not the way He runs things. I think I've sort of been punishing myself, though. For me, going to church and being involved in God's work was a sort of nutrient, it fed my heart and soul.

I still get my Jesus loving on every now and then when there isn't something I absolutely have to do at school. And I'm so glad I was able to go to service today. That's where I had my epiphany.

I know there are and always will be ups and downs - but that's life, y'all.

I'm going to find a balance.

And I'm on my way back up.


P.S. Before I submitted this post I went back and did some research on that quote about faith and higher education. Apparently it was said by Rick Santorum. And apparently no one likes him and he's a big moron. And I think my sister might have been totally sarcastic when she posted that it was her favorite thing that he's said. Whoops. I ABSOLUTELY AGREE WITH THAT ONE SPECIFIC QUOTE AND EVEN IF HE'S ONE BIG JOKE OR WHATEVER IT HELPED ME REACH MY LIFE CHANGING EPIPHANY AND NOW I'M GOING TO BE HAPPY FOREVER SO SHUT UP AND STOP LAUGHING AT ME!
kthanksbye!

Thursday, March 8, 2012

OHANA.

When my Big Sister in my sorority's birthday was coming up in January, my bank account was looking pretty sad. I could either make her something, or I could treat her out to a nice dinner from the McDonald's Value Menu. It was a tough choice but I went with the first one.

I had this really cool box I got sometime in high school and on the cover it said, "Oh, The Places You'll Go!" I had thought about giving it to Biggie for graduation, since she's a senior this year - OHMYGAWD SORRY FOR BRINGING IT UP WE DON'T TALK ABOUT IT! - and putting together some sort of real world survival kit with big girl panties inside and what not. But, I'd already given her underwear for Christmas, and then someone else gave me a very cool idea for an even better grad gift, so I was left with the funky box.

When one of my friends left to study abroad in Moldova, I gave her an envelope filled with quotes and she said she really loved it.

When one of my sorority sisters was going through a rough time I filled up a little notepad with quotes for her and she also told me she loved it.

And I thought that if I filled the previously mentioned Dr. Seuss box with so many quotes that it would barely even close, Big Sister Becca would love it, too.

Becca cried like a baby when she opened it. She just has a lot of feelings.

When Becca is sad she says her boots are heavy, and lately I can kind of understand the feeling. I've talked a little bit about it before on here, and I'm just feeling...I don't know, weird. Becca said something in her blog once that I really loved. She wrote about how she knows that there are other people in the world who have it worse than she does, but she doesn't know their pain, she only knows hers.

Anyway, Becca notices these things and she says it's her responsibility to take care of me so today when Becca and I were hanging out in her office (it isn't technically her office but it kind of is but it isn't really but yeah that's what I call it and it's all of SGA's office but whatever "Becca's office" just sounds nice), she gave me the best present there ever was:


That's right! Karen's got herself a big ole box full of quotes, too!

I can't control myself sometimes so I read like 10 of them right on the spot. Some were written in Becca's handwriting, others were written in Chelsea's handwriting, and some were written in Hope's handwriting.

Chelsea is Becca's other little sister, so she's my twin. Hope is Chelsea's little, and that makes her my niece.

Oh, and speaking of family, today I met some of my other family members who I'm related to from another Greek organization. My grand big in my sorority is a fraternity boy's big. That makes him and Becca twins. He has a little who then becomes my cousin, I think? And then I'm my cousin's little's second cousin or something? Did I confuse y'all? Kay, cool. 'Cause I was confused, too. Becca just told me to never kiss anyone who called themselves my cousin because that's not okay. Greek family trees can get a little cray.

Okay, back to my awesome box. It made me feel so loved and special and it was such a big surprise and apparently everyone else knew what Becca was up to except for me so yay for being a little clueless and yay for being loved.

Remember when I said I can't control myself? I may have read a few more quote slips. Maybe like 10 more...but probably more like 50. I'm sorry! They're just so beautiful and I have needs! But I finally stopped myself, and I've decided I'm going to follow Becca's process and pull out an average of one quote per day. So, I put them all back in the box, shook it up real good, and pulled out the quote that will be known as today's quote:


Y'all don't even know how perfect this is.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Time makes you bolder. Children get older. I'm getting older too.

I'm back!

I missed writing this way too much to stay away for any longer. I think that I've also decided that it's okay to write whatever it is that's on my mind, and if most posts are a little bit on the serious side, it's just whatever.

I got the idea for this post from another blogger who wrote a letter to her younger self. It was beautiful and relatable and it made me cry (but then again everything makes me cry). "When I look at this photo, I want to hug and counsel myself. If I could go back and tell myself a few things, I would do so in a heartbeat. Not to stop her from going through the things I did -- after all, it made me who I am. But I would like to let her know just a few things, to protect her just a little."

It's about to get real personal up in here, y'all...
Here it goes:




Dear 11 year old me,

Life is so good. You're about to graduate from the 5th grade! When you bring friends to your house they always say things like, "I wish your mom was my mom" or "I wish your dad was my dad" and those words fill you up with a sense of pride. You have two little brothers and Bryan is in third grade and he'll carry on your legacy at elementary school because everyone likes the Perez kids and Erik is the cutest baby brother in the world. Life is more than good. Life is perfect.

That is, until you go to middle school.

For the first time you'll be bullied. You'll get picked on about your style and your weight and you'll lose all self-confidence you ever had. You're not used to people not liking you and you won't understand why they are so mean. They'll laugh at you and talk about you and you'll cry yourself to sleep every night.

You'll doubt every nice thing anyone ever said to you and you'll only believe all the bad. You won't think you're pretty or intelligent or important or good enough.

You'll drop out of chorus because you don't think you're good enough anymore.
You'll drop out of band because you don't think you're good enough anymore.
You'll eventually drop theater because your first time performing you'll hear one of your bullies laugh at you from the audience. When your teacher asks you what happened out there, you'll look like you're sorry and say that you forgot your lines. He'll say it's okay and that it happens to everyone. You didn't forget your lines, though. It's just that after you heard her laughing, you didn't think you were good enough anymore.

In the midst of all of this, you'll have your heart broken.

You'll be thirteen and you'll think you're in love. He'll be older. A couple of years older. Okay, he'll be eighteen. Your older self knows how not okay that was now, but your younger self was over the moon. He was so cute and he said he liked you and he could have picked anyone else but he wanted you. You didn't think you were good enough so the first time he asked you to be his girlfriend you said no and then a couple of days later he asked again and you said no and then he asked one more time and he told you he wouldn't ask again and you thought, "Ohmygawd Karen you're going to miss your chance at having the best boyfriend ever and if he is this cute that must mean you're good enough because he likes YOU!" so you said yes. The moment you said yes you gave this boy your heart. You thought you were so lucky because he would hold your hand and he would kiss you and he would tell you you're pretty and who cares if school sucked because you thought you had the best boyfriend there ever was!

He was a family friend, so your cousins and him ran in the same social circle. And again, you didn't care if school sucked because now you had friends and they were also your family and they were older and therefore cooler and you would always be one of them! You'll sneak into night clubs and wear heavy make-up and certain types of clothes just to convince the bouncers you're old enough. You'll start lying to your parents. You won't tell them about him because your dad will kill him first and then come after you.

You'll get scared of who you're becoming so you'll break up with him. He won't be phased at all and you'll go back to crying yourself to sleep at night.

Your mom's cousin will move into your house, more specifically, you'll share your room with her. You'll think she's your best friend because she is so nice to you and buys you things and she's young and pretty and you'll tell her everything and she promises she won't tell and that she'll help you win him back and she'll become your favorite person ever because you'll think finally someone understands you!

Until the day she'll come home crying. She'll tell you you're going to hate her but you don't understand. How could you hate her? She's your best friend. She'll pull out a pregnancy test and you won't understand. She'll say his name and you won't understand. She'll promise she's sorry and you won't understand. She'll say she doesn't even want the baby and you won't understand. Through a cloud of tears you'll see her grab her phone and dial his number and still you won't understand. You'll hear her screaming into the phone telling him this was all his fault and that he needs to fix this. He needs to give her money because she needs to get rid of the baby. You'll hear him screaming back how much he hates her, for wanting to get rid of his unborn child, but for also telling you. He'll say you were never supposed to know. He'll say he's wants to talk to you. She'll hand you the phone but you can't hold it up. You won't be able to move. She'll put it on speaker and he'll talk. He'll say he's sorry...and that he loves you. And for the first time ever, you'll hate.


You'll hate him and you'll hate her and you'll hate yourself and you'll just hate the entire world.

And just when you think your life can't get any worse - it will.

Your dad will cheat on your mom. She'll tell him he has to leave. He was never supposed to let you down. He destroyed everything good that was left in your world and you'll think you hate him, too. Your mom will tell you not to. She'll remind you each day that even though he messed up as a husband, he never once messed up as a father. But none of this will matter to you. You'll find out he's having a baby with someone else. You'll see your mom cry. You'll hear your brothers asking why your dad can't live in your house anymore. No one will them the truth back then because they don't want them to hate just like you do.

You'll have a sister and you'll want nothing to do with her. People will tell you to be the bigger person because none of what happened is her fault, but they wont understand that it wasn't your fault either.

Everyone wants to get you professional help. You won't even be the shell of the person your family knew, but they'll still love you anyway.

They'll love you when you're angry.
They'll love you when you pick fights for stupid reasons.
They'll love you through your ugliest and nastiest and worst moments.
They'll love you when you don't even love yourself.

As time slowly carries on, your mom and dad try to fix things. She'll forgive him and you won't get why, but I can tell you it's one of the best decisions she's made as your mom to date. 

You will all go to church as a family. You've always loved God but you will truly love Him once you see the changes in your dad. You'll finally understand that God can do anything and that He has control of everything and that He will always look out for you. You'll develop a beautiful relationship with God. And you will learn not only to ask for forgiveness, but to also give it.

You won't hate and you won't be angry anymore.

You'll see things through a new perspective. You'll be able to breathe again.

You'll rebuild your relationship with your family and it will be better than it ever was.

You'll realize that no one is perfect and that people make mistakes and that everyone deserves a second chance.

You're also going to seriously regret your ghetto phase. No one will ever let you live it down. Ever.

In high school you'll meet some of your best friends. They'll be a little quirky and so much fun and you'll always want to have them in your life.

You're going to get really sick the summer before 11th grade. It'll be super scary and everyone will kind of think you're going to die. You won't though, so that's good.

College will be hard. So hard. You won't be used to having to try to get good grades or instantly not being one of the smart ones. You'll struggle to develop study habits you should have picked up years ago. 

College will also be amazing. You'll join a sorority. You'll meet women from all walks of life who will love you and accept you and need you as much as you'll need them.

You should call your grandpa more often. You won't have as much time with him as you think you do. You should tell him you love him some more. You should also tell him to stop smoking. He'll once again tell you he's been smoking since he was a teenager and if being a firefighter on top of that hasn't killed him, one more little cigarette won't hurt. You should tell him he's wrong.

Some days you'll feel lost, but most days are going to be so good.

I'm sorry for the pain of your teenage years, but after that angst, your life will be a great one. There will be many laughs and beautiful moments.

It's okay to keep watching Disney. 

You'll be so rich in friendships.

You'll realize that everything will be okay - whether that means letting things naturally fall into place or working for what it is you want and deserve.

You haven't fallen in love again - but who knows what the letter you'll write to your 20 year old self when you're 30 will say? You can't wait to find the love of your life because you'll know love to be the most precious thing in the world.

You're beautiful.

You can do it.

I love you.