I mean, I knew it all along, but I just never put two and two together until tonight.
Every time I talk about God I try to be cautious because I want people to respect what I have to say or how I feel over the matter, so I think I should give them that same respect in return. Sometimes it's hard, because my religion or faith or whatever it is you want to call it, has so gratefully influenced me and who I am. I know not everyone believes what I believe, but like most people - you think what you believe is right, and part of you wishes everyone agreed with you.
When I started college I had to step down as a member of the usher team at my church and I also stopped helping out as a coordinator for our retreats. I was no longer a youth group leader, either. I lived at my school my freshman year, and even though my home and my church were only a couple of minutes away, there was no way I could make it to all of my weekly meetings and still be heavily involved. Everyone was so understanding and supportive, though. My church has labeled me as a sort of role model for them. They'll say things like, "Look at Karen! She's in college and she's going to do so many great things and be such an important woman and we're all so proud of her already."
One of my sisters recently posted something on Facebook that someone else said. I don't remember his name or anything, but it went something along the lines of, "60% of students who enter college with a faith commitment leave it behind in their pursuit of a higher education."
And bingo was his name-o.
I definitely think an education is important. You have a much better opportunity to be successful with a good schooling to back you up. And I'm not saying I'm going to drop out and take my chances at being successful otherwise. No, no, no. Not at all.
Usually during midterms and finals all you'll hear me do is shout how all I've ever wanted in life is to be a housewife so college is really pointless - it's a joke, y'all.
I don't know what context that quote above was used in originally, but the way I related to it was that I've neglected church so much since I've started school. And I'm sure God wants me to get a degree and what not, but I've often put things that don't necessarily pertain to me getting my diploma before church and God.
I don't think God is punishing me or anything like that. I'm sure He's not like, "Karen didn't come to service today? Okay, let's make her all sad inside because she's somewhere else instead of here, and I'm going to get back at her for that." God is kind and God is love, and that's just not the way He runs things. I think I've sort of been punishing myself, though. For me, going to church and being involved in God's work was a sort of nutrient, it fed my heart and soul.
I still get my Jesus loving on every now and then when there isn't something I absolutely have to do at school. And I'm so glad I was able to go to service today. That's where I had my epiphany.
I know there are and always will be ups and downs - but that's life, y'all.
I'm going to find a balance.
And I'm on my way back up.
P.S. Before I submitted this post I went back and did some research on that quote about faith and higher education. Apparently it was said by Rick Santorum. And apparently no one likes him and he's a big moron. And I think my sister might have been totally sarcastic when she posted that it was her favorite thing that he's said. Whoops. I ABSOLUTELY AGREE WITH THAT ONE SPECIFIC QUOTE AND EVEN IF HE'S ONE BIG JOKE OR WHATEVER IT HELPED ME REACH MY LIFE CHANGING EPIPHANY AND NOW I'M GOING TO BE HAPPY FOREVER SO SHUT UP AND STOP LAUGHING AT ME!
kthanksbye!
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