Is this thing on??

Wooowwowowowowowwwwww.

I did not mean to stumble upon this. Can you say CRINGE?

One day I might be brave (read: drunk) enough to read the poetic musings of a younger, sadder, less funny Karen. But def not today!

This is the exact train of thought that got me here:
40 day church fast starts tomorrow.
I should blog my journey.
L.
O.
L.
OHMYGOSH remember when I thought I was cool enough to blog?
What did I call that thing again?
Sweet nothings and musings?
No.
Sweet nothings and anythings?
Nope.
Sweet nothings and everythings?
Found it!
Oh God, I found it!
OH NO, I ACTUALLY FOUND IT!!!
...and, I'm still logged on to the site???????????
*starts to read last post*
*immediately digs a hole underground to hide forever*

So, hi from said hole! If you're one of the 4 people "subscribed," please don't bring this up.
Like, ever.

Part of me is glad I found this (a very small part). Because I don't get to start fresh. Little emo Karen's feelings matter and are a significant part of the journey.

Tomorrow my church starts one of my favorite yearly traditions. We fast together at the beginning of the year, to bring us closer to God. We abstain from one of our body's most basic needs for a short period of time, as a small sacrifice and offering of gratitude for all that has passed, but also for what's to come.

And here's where shit gets real (can I talk about God and curse in the same sentence? Probs not the best idea).

I am yearning and craving and in need of God's presence more than ever. I want God to completely transform my life from the inside out. I want Him to the at the core of everything I am and everything I do. I am ready, and I am willing.

You've seen Grey's Anatomy? I am Meredith Grey, season 2, episode 5.

"Pick me. Choose me. Love me."

(I know God loves me, but I'm painting a picture here.)

xoxo,
Karen