Life has been pretty great.
When I visited my doctor about, what, a little over a week ago, he put me back on Ambien. I had been off of it for almost a month. The first night I started taking it again I actually had hallucinations. I don't remember much except reaching over for my phone at like 4 AM crying my eyes out and calling my dad. My mom slept with me and she says it took me a few minutes to calm down. They asked me what was wrong and I told them that my walls looked like they were melting. And that the Christmas lights that hang over my headboard looked like they were shooting off fireworks. And that all of my dresses were falling off of their hangers. And my lamp looked like a person who wouldn't stop staring at me. I do remember them telling me to close my eyes, but I wouldn't listen. As scared as I remember feeling, I also remember that I knew none of it was real.
Since then I haven't been taking it everyday. I don't want to become addicted to sleeping pills and my doctor says I can choose to take them only when I think I need them. For example, I feel completely and utterly exhausted today, so I'm pretty sure I won't need an Ambien's help to fall asleep at a reasonable hour.
My family and I left along with two of our pastors and their families for a little vacation on Monday. We went to Myrtle Beach in South Carolina and it was absolutely beautiful. The first resort we stayed in was my favorite. We ended up staying in two different places because we were planning on coming home Thursday, but then decided to stay an extra day, and by the time we went to book our rooms for another night, they were already taken. The second place we stayed in was on the same street, and had better pools and amenities than the first, but the view from the living room on the 9th floor of The Camelot stole my heart. I'll hopefully get around to uploading the pictures soon. There aren't really many interesting stories to tell about this trip as opposed to my last trip to a beach with Karen for Spring Break, but this trip was filled with tons of good, wholesome family fun. If I had to pick a favorite moment I think I'd go with the night we walked back down to our hotel, but instead of walking down the crazy, tourist filled street, we walked on the beach. Walking a mile in sand is hard stuff, but I'd look to my left and see all these tall buildings with lights and windows and people, then look to my right and see this endless darkness and stars while cold waves lapped at my feet.
I have another doctor's appointment on Monday. He says some of my tests from my check-up came back negative, so he wants to talk to me in person. I also have to make an appointment with some sort of specialist for some ultrasounds.
For some reason. I'm not scared. I guess everything is kind of hinting to the fact that there is something wrong with me physically, but I'm ready to face whatever it is. Maybe it's something that can be easily fixed. I don't think worrying before I have to is wise. I'll go to my appointment and I'll go to the specialist and we can all go from there.
My pastor said something during last night's service. He said that while sitting in the sand earlier this week he asked himself why we drown in a river of difficulties when we have a sea full of blessings.
I think the power of that statement is kind of lost in translation, but those words really resonated with me.
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